


Filling In The Space Between Us

by Butterflyfish



Series: Getting to know Daryl Dixon. [5]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Aww fluff and stuff, Broken, F/M, Fixing a Relationship, Gen, Gets a bit fluffy, Other, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-29
Updated: 2016-02-02
Packaged: 2018-05-17 00:48:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5847418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Butterflyfish/pseuds/Butterflyfish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daryl and Abra have let the emotional scars and mental anguish of previous events fill the space between them with absolute nothingness.<br/>Charlie's upcoming birthday might hold the key.<br/>But can they ever really get back to how it was?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_There's a space between Whiskey_  
_and the rocks it's fallin' on_  
_There's a space between the barstool and the door_  
_There's a space between "will that be all?"_  
_and "I believe I'll have one more"_  
_There's a space between my fallen heart_  
_and this dirty bar room floor_  
_But the space between you and me_  
_is filled with pain_  
_and dyin' dreams_  
_Tried to fill it up with whiskey_  
_now I'm swimmin' hard upstream_  
_Hopin' I'll meet you in the middle_  
_of that cold dark space between_

**_Levi Lowrey "Space Between"_ **

* * *

 

I sat on the edge of the bed, pulling on my boots. It was a cold and dark morning in February, where rain threatened to fall all day, and temperatures were unlikely to get above 40 degrees.

Charlie's first birthday was just around the corner, and Daryl and I had mutually decided to go and get him something special. He deserved special. We'd put the poor boy through so much in his short life. Both parents dead, not that he knew it, and now his adoptive guardians barely speaking more than short sentences together.

I heard Daryl come in the room to see if I was ready so I grabbed my pink leather holster belt and secured it around my hips, now narrower than ever. I'd already made new holes in the leather, I was running out of space to shrink it any further. It wasn't that I didn't eat, I just found I couldn't.

I could still read Daryl like a book. We didn't need to speak to know what we were thinking. We still had that much, at least.

"You should have some breakfast" he said as I walked past him and out of the bedroom door.

"Not hungry" I replied, taking the stairs two and three at a time.  He followed matching my pace.

"Ya need to eat!" He said, frustrated, as I grabbed Charlie from his playpen and kissed his cheek hard. Carol was going to watch him for us today. I squeezed him tight and told him I loved him, promised that one day he could come too, and put him back down, checking the baby monitor was on.

"Let's go" I said, heading for the front door. Daryl followed, without a word.

We got in the car, Daryl in the driving seat, me in the passenger side knees towards the door. I didn't even turn away from him on purpose anymore, it's just how I tended to fall. We drove off into the morning, barely a word spoken between, as we always had done since that September evening, when we burned the only thing that seemed to link us anymore.

* * *

 I wasn't lookin' forward to spendin' 3 hours in the car in silence, but we'd seen the best gift for Charlie at the Chesapeake Shopping Centre, and Abra wouldn't put up with anythin' else for him.

That's a lie. I loved spendin' time with her, but the weight of all we never said was starting to wear me down, n I was tired. So damned tired of the empty feelin'. Not knowin' what to say or how anymore. I never was one for big fancy speeches and stuff, I know, but she'd always brought it outta me. Now she seemed to have stopped tryin' to.

We spoke about Charlie. We spoke to everyone else. We kinda spoke to each other only when we had to.

It was just easier to stay quiet.

I wanted to stay off the interstate as far as we could, big heavily used roads seemed to be filled with abandoned cars, even if there were no walkers there anymore.  

A shiver ran through her and we reached for the heat at the same time, both pulling our hands away before they could touch. She reached again and turned the heat up.

She didn't even look at me sideways.

I chewed my tongue, rememberin' the first time we'd been in a car alone, and the run to the superstore. Our first kiss, an error of judgement on both our parts, our whole relationship based on a mistake. I sighed and turned gently into the next road.

Instantly we hit a large amount of traffic.

* * *

I chewed the inside of my cheek, a lump forming where I'd done it so often recently. I was thinking absently of the first time Daryl and I had been alone together in a car, a million years ago in Georgia.

I looked out the windscreen for the first time in a few miles, having noticed Daryl had slowed the car to a crawl.

Abandoned cars as far as the eye could see. I rolled my eyes and double checked my knife, gun and machete were all in place. I pulled out the beretta and checked the clip.

This was going to be a long ass journey without the cars, and the possibility of lurking dead assholes. Now, we could be here for days.

I reholstered the handgun and prepared myself by taking a few deep breaths. This would be a cinch if Daryl and I could still work as one mind. We hadn't tested that out for a while, avoiding trips such as this for the last 5 months. I stretched my neck out, rolling my head on my shoulders.

Just another day at the office.

* * *

 

We'd have to move some cars, push em outta the way and clear a straight path as far as we could. I stopped the car n asked.

"Ya wanna push or steer?" She din't look at me, just shrugged before jumpin' out. "Goddammit" I whispered, gettin' out in a rush to follow. She was lookin' down the road, standin' in the middle of the asphalt with her hand shieldin' her eyes from the rain. She pushed her hair from her face, now almost shoulder length, and looked back at me.

"We move about four on this side we can creep around for a few miles." She walked away and looked carefully into the grimy windows of the nearest vehicle. "Empty" she said, throwin' open the driver's door and reachin' inside for the wheel. I jogged up behind the car and began to push as she steered it to the central reservation.

The next two cars were pretty much the same. Empty, easy. But when she peered into the windows of the fourth she stepped back, her face wearing an odd expression. The closest I could come to then was a mix of fear and trepidation, but when I looked in I realised she was flatly horrified at what she saw, and the heavy burden it put on her heart.

An adult lay sprawled over the steering wheel, but the real terror was the baby in the car seat at the back. It was sluggish, having not eaten for some time, it appeared to have starved, n turned, only to start to starve again. I swallowed bile that threatened to fill my mouth, and looked back at Abra. She was absently starin' in the middle distance.

"Get back in the car" I said n she turned n staggered back, she din't even try to argue anymore.

I took a deep breath and opened the offside rear door, knife in my hand. I tried twice, bringin' my hand up to do the deed, but kept failin'. I snatched up the kids blanket from his lap n covered his head, then without another thought I stabbed through the still soft skull.

* * *

 

I watched as he slammed the rear door, then stormed around the car to the front, dragging out the dead woman and throwing her into the road. He moved the car alone with ease, and stomped back to me.

All I wanted to do was hold him, and be held by him. Instead I looked back out of the passenger window at the relentless rain and unmoving black clouds in the sky. I tried desperately not to think about Charlie. 


	2. Chapter 2

The next instance of abandoned cars that stopped us in our tracks was a good ten miles on. It had been a slow, weaving ten miles, at best, but we'd gone too far now to turn back.

I hopped out of the car again without so much as a glance in Daryl's direction, and he, without a word, followed suit. He walked ahead to check the way, to ensure there was no reason we couldn't move forward somehow. An overturned vehicle, an abandoned, jack-knifed lorry. I watched as his broad shoulders, adorned with their ever-present wings disappeared.

When he came back and started checking car windows again I assumed there was nothing to stop us, but I was shaken by what I'd seen in that last vehicle, and didn't venture to look again. He didn't seem to mind.

Would he have said, if he did?

* * *

 

I moved forward to check the way was clear, wonderin' about the concertina effect goin' on down the road. Cars all bunched up for a while then spread out, then bunched up again. There were a few cars to move, again, and then we would be clear for a few miles once more.

I started checkin' windows. I din't want her checkin' out the cars. I din't want her to have to see anythin' like that again. Hell I didn't want to see anythin' like that again, but _one_ of us had to check. She seemed satisfied to stay put, there in the middle a the road, but I don't know if she'd a said otherwise anyway.

I wondered, as I looked in the window of a Buick and the occupant inside threw himself at the window, what Dr Cloyd made of our relationship now.

I turned to call Abra in but she was already by the Buick, waitin', knife in her hand up by her ear. Appearin' outta thin air like she floated over silently. Like she read my mind. I opened the door n she ended the walker. Like it was planned.

I snuck a look at her, thinkin' she'd be havin' the same thought, but she was already at the back of the car, expectin' us to push it outta the way. It was big, n heavy, n it took her a minute to get her footin', but eventually we managed to heave it outta our path. She wiped her head with the back of her far too skinny hand as rain started to patter around us again. She din't look in my direction, even once.

She moved on to the next vehicle, not lookin' in but lookin all around. I watched as she disappeared behind a truck, still movin' with the grace of a dancer, silent as a ninja. I still liked to watch her move in the fascinatin' way she did.

I went to follow, but she reappeared in a rush, throwin' herself into a crouch behind the rear wheel of the pickup.

"Walkers" she mouthed at me, and I got myself behind the nearest car but now I couldn't see her, n that filled my mind with dread just like it always had.

I peered under the car and could see her feet, so I crawled on my belly underneath until I got a better view. She looked down at me n pointed the way we were headin', then held up her hands, fingers spread, openi' n closin' her hands. At least 30, then she shrugged, maybe more. I wondered how far, but for her to dive back like that they would have been fairly close.

I wriggled back into my original position, and checked the car I was by was clear, then jumped in, I opened the driver's door n whispered

"Get in" n she did, quick as a flash she was in with the door quietly closed next to her.

* * *

 

The car was practically spotless. Apart from the usual accumulation of dust and grime from years of neglect, there wasn't any blood, no sticky fingerprints, no wrappers or trash in the foot wells.

I thought it was a really good find, and wanted to say so. Instead I opened the various cubbies there in the cockpit, looking for something useful. Daryl did the same, opening the glove compartment and feeling around.

I expected us both to come up empty, in such a car it was unlikely we'd find a thing, and Daryl found nothing but some alcohol hand rub, which I guess was to be expected. He tucked it into his pocket, then demanded I get down low as Walkers started to filter between the cars.

I shifted down, my head on the central transmission tunnel, my butt against the driver's door, and lay there barely breathing. Daryl had scooted down in a way so that he could still see out the window, but was unlikely to be seen unless a walker looked for him.

I noticed, in the ash tray beside me head a piece of paper. I don't know what possessed me, but I grabbed at it and shoved it in my pocket.

* * *

 

Her shirt had ridden up, exposin' the deep curve of her hip and waist. Her smooth, tan, skin beggin' to be touched, or maybe my fingers just itchin' to touch it. I flicked my eyes up to the window as the hoard began to pass by.

We sat there for an hour, waitin' for the walkers to move far enough away, the tension in the car thickenin' as all I could think about was the too deep concave of her body, and how a year ago I could just reach out and a rest a hand there without either of us flinchin'

We moved some more cars without incident. We got back in our own and I reached for the pack in the rear. I pulled out the food I'd packed, knowin Abra wouldn't have thought to do so. Some bread, n tomatoes grown in Alexandria. I tore off a chunk a bread n offered the loaf to her but she shook her head.

"Abra" I said sternly, gesturin' at her again. But she replied with

"No, thank you" she'd never been so polite to me in all the time I knew her.

"Why're you doin' this?" I asked gently, almost Talkin' to myself, n she looked at me, actually looked at me and saw me, before replyin'

* * *

 

"I'm not doing anything" I said, surprised that four words could still come out of his mouth in a single stream. He sighed and threw the bread back in the pack and started chowing down on the lump he'd pulled off for himself. Now I was geared up for one our old fights, and he'd already given in. The tension vibrated in the car as he ate his lunch, and I sat watching the rain drops chase each other on the windscreen.


	3. Chapter 3

By the time we got to the shoppin' centre we'd been away from home almost 7 hours. In bad traffic, before the walkers, the journey woulda taken 3 n a half. We sat in the parkin' lot, still fulla cars, and looked at the huge buildin' in front of us. Abra's eyes were wide, worried. I couldn't blame her, the place was gonna be fulla hidin' places n dark corners. 

Checkin' there was nothin' round us I edged my door open, listenin' for shufflin' feet n low grumbles. Abra checked her gear, n waited for me to give the all clear. I nodded at her n she got out. Our well practiced routine was always the same, whether we spoke or not.

Aaron n I'd found this place sorta by accident. Comin' up from farther south, lookin' no longer for new people, but just out on a run. Rick din't want anymore newcomers just yet, n I agreed with him.

We was walkin' around inside when I spied somethin' that made me think a Charlie, somethin' that might even make Abra start talkin' to me again, but we had to leave in a rush when walkers descended n I couldn't grab it.

Abra heard me tellin' people bout it, I guess, n insisted that we come back. I was so shocked that she said a whole coupla sentences to me that I just agreed without thinkin'. I thought maybe a long trip together would help us, it would be like it used to be, but so far, so disappointin'.

N I brought her here, knowin' how dangerous it would be.

* * *

 

I chanced a sideways glance at him, standing there all but gawking at the mall. He was chewing on his lip, his eyes narrow. He had both his thumbs hooked into his crossbow strap and I pondered, not for the first time, how we'd come to this.

My heart stopped every time I heard his voice. Skipped a beat whenever he smirked at someone or something they said. My uterus ached with wanting whenever he was with Charlie.

These things I used to articulate so well, in a way he understood without embarrassing him too much, just sat in my head as though I was mute. I loved the very bones of him, but I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, and I certainly couldn't speak.

I wondered if I was depressed, or going through post traumatic stress. I wondered if I had just used up all the words I had been given to use in this lifetime.

I never wondered if I still loved him. The thought never crossed my mind that we were over, staying together just for the sake of how difficult and awkward it would be if we didn't.

Somehow I knew he felt the same. I _knew_.

Maybe it was time to work this out once and for all. I chewed my cheek a little and looked away as he turned to me. He knew I'd been staring.

"Let's go" he said simply in the ground shatteringly gravelly voice I adored so much. I nodded, and we slid quietly to the doors of the building.

* * *

 

I banged on the window, and we waited for the geeks to come. I lit a cigarette, expectin' em to come crashin' into the window, but nothin' did. I stubbed out the smoke, tryin' not to look confused. Abra worked best when I was confident in what I was doin', she couldn't see me doubtin' myself, cause she'd doubt me too.

I got up, n headed for the doors, pullin' both open. She took one from me n I walked forward, swingin' the bow up. She waited, holdin' the door ajar.

I wondered where the walkers were hidin', why they hadn't come runnin' at the sound of my bangin' on the window. I walked forward carefully in the dark, listenin' to every creak of the buildin'. I could hear Abra breathin', I could hear the rain on the roof. I couldn't hear no walkers.

Concerned, confused, I called Abra in, harsher'n I meant to. She came in quietly, carefully, backin' up to my left side without so much as a misplaced step. I glanced across, just movin' my eyes, n she was lookin' at me.

"S'pose to be watchin' my back" I said, movin' my eyes frontwise again before they met hers. She din't turn away, just kept starin'.

"Something's Wrong" she said, and I had to stop myself from laughin' in her face.

* * *

 

"It ain't the same as before" he answered me quietly, and he could have been talking about anything. I turned my face from his, watching his back, as I always did. The silence was weighted, and I had no choices left but to fill it.

"What were you expecting?" Another heavy question. Were we talking about the mall or ourselves?

"More walkers" he whispered, as we turned a corner together as one unit. "Oh Hell" he said, bringing his arm up to his nose, pulling the crossbow up so it pointed at the ceiling. The smell hit me, and I couldn't help but turn.

There was a stack of walkers not 3 feet in front of us, and the stench was almost unbearable. Flies buzzed and lighted on the already decayed bodies, and I was sure I could see heat rising from them, like compost, or a pile of manure.

"What the hell?" I asked no one in particular, reaching for the bandanna in my back pocket and holding it to my face. There had to be at least twenty of them, all piled up in a small space. I looked at Daryl, who moved forward to investigate, and though I was tempted to go with him, the very real threat of whoever did this still being there made me turn again to cover his back.

* * *

 

I din't get a chance to investigate too heavily. I noticed each walker had been shot very neatly n squarely between the eyes at pretty close range, I went to shift one'a the top ones with my foot when I heard Abra's breath catch on her throat. I looked up, n she was lookin' at the bottom of the pile.

"They're not all dead" she whispered, pointin'. I took a step backward towards her n could see the pile looked like it was breathin'. Our movements had woken 'em up. It didn't feel like a trap, n I was pretty sure there was no one else here, but we skirted the walkers anyway, the ones underneath wouldn't have the power to move the ones on top if they hadn't eaten for a while.

We took another turn, though, n all hell broke loose.

 


	4. Chapter 4

I rubbed the top of my arm, where Daryl had probably left his big assed bruises again. I wondered if I'd end up with permanent finger marks there eventually.   
I preferred the fucking hickeys he used to brand me with.

He watched me rubbing my bicep and pacing but he wasn't talking. Yet again, neither of us spoke.

We turned the corner after the pile of walkers to be faced with about 100 of the lurking assholes. Daryl swore under his breath and grabbed me, dragging me back past the pile, my feet barely touching the floor. He all but threw me under the half closed shutter of the store we'd wound up in. He managed to pull the shutter the rest of the way down and shut the door, too.

We moved furniture without talking, we blocked the door and I didn't feel the pain in my arm until we finally stopped.

He sat with his back and head against the wall, catching his own breath. I felt myself sneering at him. He didn't look my way. He just stared at the fucking ceiling. I stopped rubbing my arm, I stopped pacing, and he still just looked up.

Something twisted in my gut and I grabbed the nearest thing I could find and launched it at the shutters. A cup, which shattered to a thousand pieces.

He didn't so much as flinch, so frustrated, angry, hurting, I began to shout.

* * *

 

She was bein' overdramatic, rubbin' her fuckin' arm n poutin' at me like a teenager. She gritted her teeth and threw somethin' at the shutters before shoutin'. Loud streams'a nonsense flyin' outta her mouth.

I listened for a few seconds before jumpin' up, grabbin' her flailin' arms n tellin' her to shut the fuck up.

"You want the walkers to come runnin'?" She broke off into a whimper n I held the top a her arms firm at her sides.

"I can run on my own two feet" she shouted in my face. "Get the fuck off of me" she drew her hands up and pushed me away. I let her. It wasn't that she pushed hard, she felt kinda deflated, but I let her arms go n took a step back. She closed her eyes and put her hands to her face. That was better, it was hard to look at her after so long avoidin' it.

She took a deep breath and blew it out her mouth in a huff.

"What happened out there?" She asked. I shrugged, goin' back to the floor.

"Walkers, I think the guys who piled up the first ones were too cocky, all shot close range, and got ambushed by the rest." She looked down at me on the floor and shook her head, fisted her hands in her hair.

"I can't do this any more" I watched as she turned away from me, headed for the back a the store. My thumb found my mouth, n she turned back toward me.

"Don't you care?" She shouted, arms up in the air again. "Not bothered at all about what's going on here, huh?" She approached me, fast, n all I could do was look at her. She crouched beside me, her face less than an inch from mine n she hissed at me through her teeth. "I'm done and you just sit there like it means nothing!" She stepped away and put her fists in her hair "I can't live like this Daryl. I can't go on like this"

* * *

 

He just looked at me as I ranted, didn't so much as flinch. Like he really had given up a long time ago. I lost my cool, what was left of it, and pushed him, hard. He put his hand out and righted himself against the wall, so I pushed him again, he stood up, thought of grabbing me again, but decided against it.

"Stop it" he said, all quiet and brooding. And I did stop, worn out. "What am I supposed to say?" He asked me "We're all done with this shit, every damn day. I don't wanna run no more, but we can't just stop livin'" I glared at him. No, we couldn't just stop living. But..

"You call this living? This? This is life for us now? 6 months you were gone, and then... Nothing. You come back and... You might as well have stayed gone" now he flinched. Now he took half a step back and looked like I'd punched him straight in the face.

"You never said" he started, but I cut him off

"Neither did you! Nothing! You fly off in a fucking strop, I finally get you back..." When did I start crying? I put the heels of my hands to my eyes and pushed hard enough to see lights. Not talking was better than this.

* * *

 

I was taken back by these references to us, and to then. I din't say anythin', I din't know what to say or how.

"Nothin's changed" I managed, finding it easier to talk to her while she covered eyes. She pulled her hands down n looked at me, eyes red n sore. She shook her head gently and sat down with her back against the wall, where I had been moments before. She looked at the floor a while, mindlessly rolling the hem of her top in her finger n thumb.

"Nothing" she said quietly, after a minute or two. "Nothing at all?" She looked up at me. "You used to bring me flowers, we used to have amazing sex, you used to talk to me Daryl, Christ you used to at least look at me!" Her voice got louder on almost every word, and as she finished there was a crash at the shutter, and it shook. The walkers had heard. She looked at the door and scrubbed at her face with both hands. She looked back at me.

"Everything we've been through. Every fight, every challenge, and we can't take 6 months apart without breaking?" I was starting to feel like she was blaming this on me, n anger bubbled up inside me.

"What do you want from me?" I asked "Want us all to go back to normal? I lost my mind and when it came back it destroyed me, through protecting you n hidin' you from them, they destroyed me" she just looked at me blankly.

"Remember how Alyson died?" She asked, "remember how I found Moira hanging in our bedroom? Remember how I had to be your replacement and bury them both? What about the time I was kidnapped and fucked with a loaded gun, Daryl? And when I came home, eventually I had to see Doctor Cloyd about the infection I got from the gunpowder residue. Remember that?!" She wasn't Shoutin' now, but she was pissed. She looked at me, eyes all red and sad.

"No, cause you weren't there, and you never asked." The rattling at the shutters continued, but silence span out between us. She folded her arms n looked away from me. "Maybe we need to talk about those six months, so we can move past them" she looked back, n I thought about it, before noddin'. 


	5. Chapter 5

We talked, yelled, talked some more. The walkers at the door didn't relent, but I felt safe with Daryl finally opening up to me. Even if it was rather volatile.  
I lay on the floor with my hands over my face as he ranted. We'd gone through fits and starts and around in circles. We weren't getting far.

"Hey, I din't see no evidence a you tryina find me," He exploded "din't see you comin' to get me, and bringin' me home" I sat up and stared at him intently for what seemed an age.

"I had a baby to look after" I explained. "We sent Glenn, he went out for two weeks but the trail went cold" Daryl sneered at me.

"Glenn ain't no tracker" I rolled my eyes. 

"I know I should've gone, but Charlie"

* * *

She stopped, lookin' at me like she'd been slapped across the face. Charlie.

"He kept me going. He was the closest thing to you I had left" she shook her head "I thought..." But she stopped. I watched her a moment, but nothin' else came. 

"What did ya think? We're supposed to be talkin'. Talk" She shook her head.

"All sorts. That you were dead. I couldn't think you were still alive and didn't want to come home."

"I had my memories beaten outta me" I said, angry that she could even think I wouldn't come home. I was on my damned way!

"I didn't know that! What, am I supposed to just shut off what I was feeling cause I had new information? I'm trying to be honest and open with you and fix this... Whatever this fucking gaping hole is between us" I sat down on the floor, she stretched her neck. "I thought you abandoned us, after telling me you'd never hurt me." I looked away from her. She knew I lost my memory, what more could I say?

"We're not getting anywhere" I said to her, looking at the door, which shook and shuddered under the weight of walkers. "What are we gonna do"

* * *

 

I shrugged. I didn't know. This was supposed to be what you did, you talk shit out and it gets better. 

"I thought it'd help" I said, feeling exhausted. 

"D'ya feel any better?" He asked as if he already knew the answer was no. I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. 

"We're talking. It's a start" I crossed my arms on my knees, then rested my forehead on them. This was harder than I'd hoped.   
"I never stopped loving you" I tried as a different angle. "I never gave up. Everyone thought I was crazy, and that I should move on" I glanced up to see him staring at me with his eyes narrowed. "But I couldn't. I wouldn't" I shrugged. "I didn't think you were dead. I hoped you were because it made the most sense." I had to look away from the intensity of his gaze.

"I knew you were alive" I whispered "knew it as clear as I know my own name." I stood up and folded my arms across my chest. I looked at him and he stood, taking a tentative step towards me. 

"How did you know?" He asked, not looking at me. I shrugged. 

"We used to be so connected. Like, telepathic" I paused, waiting for a snigger or a smirk. But he didn't, he took another small step forward. I looked at the floor. "You know, so, if you'd died, I'd've felt it," I looked up again, and Daryl was inches from me. My heart sped up, I caught my breath. I opened my mouth to say something else, but he spoke first.

"You'd know" he said, a quiet whisper I could feel as much as hear with him so close. I looked into his dark blue eyes, and was about to reply, but his lips were suddenly on mine.

* * *

 

When she said she'd a known if I'd a gone, that she'd feel me go, I knew exactly what she meant. That telepathy we had, it was still there, even now. Catchin' her by surprise was hard, n I don't know what made me kiss her, but she weren't really expectin' it. Neither was I. 

My left hand found her hip, my right hand found her neck, n she melted into the kiss like she always did. Everything from the last almost 12 months disappeared, n nothin' mattered but that moment, that kiss.

She put her hands round the back a my neck, in my hair. I expected her to pull me forward, deepen our connection, but she pushed me back instead, leanin' away from me.  
She was breathing hard, we both were. She smiled a little at me.

"Where the fuck have you been, you red neck bastard?" She breathed before launchin' herself at me, wrappin' her arms round my neck, n her legs round my waist. I caught her without thinking, n her lips were on mine again. It was a harder kiss than the last, it felt angry. I could understand that, I was angry too. At her, at myself, at the world. 

I carried her to the wall n pushed her back against it. She grunted into my mouth, but I knew that grunt, I knew she din't want me to stop.

* * *

 

I pulled my arms away from his neck and he put me down, still pushing me against the wall with his body. His hands scrambled at his belt and fly, and I struggled with my own. 

No sooner had I heard the clunk of my holster on the floor, than Daryl was lifting me again, using the wall to support me. 

It didn't last long, it had been a year after all, but it was like coming home. Afterward we just held each other in the afterglow, and the walkers continued to hammer at the door.

* * *

 

We slept. Actually slept. Neither of us had properly for months, lyin' awake in the night not talkin', on opposite sides of the same bed with a space the size'a Texas between us. 

I woke up slowly, which was also new, and she was layin' on her back, head in my lap, watchin' me. 

"Hello, you" she said, quietly. I noticed the noise at the entrance had stopped, I noticed the shadows under her eyes were lighter. N I realised how much I missed seein' her small smile first thing, every day. 

"Hey" I answered. Still findin' it difficult to meet her eyes. I looked away and she sat up. I heard a low grumble and looked immediately at the door, but Abra shook her head.  
"That was me" she said, "I'm starving"

 


	6. Chapter 6

She grabbed the bread outta the pack, probably stale and hard by now, n ate greedily. She took a small slightly squashed tomato and popped it in her mouth.  
It was good to see her eatin'. She offered the loaf to me and I took it.

"Feel bad eatin' again" I said to her "I ate yesterday. When d'you last eat?" She shrugged, her mouth full of food.

"I don't actually remember" she said, swallowing. "Think Carol force fed me some pasta salad a couple days ago" she took the hard loaf back from me and put it in the bag, then eyed the door.

"We need to leave" she said simply. She was right, we'd left home almost 24 hours ago. Charlie's gift was a write off now, it was too dangerous to go snoopin' round with a herd on the prowl.

I could see in Abra's face she knew it. She looked disappointed, until she started investigatin' the store we were already in.

"Kids need love, food, shelter" she said, wanderin' "kids don't need stuff" she was tryin'a convince herself that it din't matter about Charlie's birthday, but I could see the want in her eyes. The closest thing she'd get to a kid, n all she wanted was the best for him.  
"I didn't have stuff. Did you?" I shook my head. I din't have nothin' "and we're good people" she continued. "Right?"  
I looked at her a moment, n nodded.

"You are" I said, n I felt suddenly embarrassed. Abra let it go, n I was glad.

She was suddenly excited, eyes wide n movements fast, she walked the edges of the store quicker now. Her hands rifling through what looked like rails of clothes.  
She turned to me, with a smile dancin' on her face, lighting her eyes which sparkled in the darkness.

"OshKosh!" She squealed, and I felt my whole face furrow. It was like hearin' her speak in a foreign language. She beckoned me over with a wave of her hand n I went, watchin' as she filed through the clothes. Kids clothes. It suddenly all made sense.

* * *

 

"Oh c'mon!" I said looking up at him, "this is so damned cute" he narrowed his eyes at me, stern, but he was wearing that slanted smirk of his and I knew I had the OK.

I grabbed what I could, stuffing our pack full, feeling excited and elated at my find. The unwitting fate that we ended up in a baby and child clothes store, that fashion at the end of the world was so damn adorable, it all fell into place. Eventually it always did.

The pack ended up really heavy, but I threw it over my shoulder anyway, the strap pulling tightly on my chest. As Daryl looked at me I nodded, almost ready. I checked my knife, gun and machete were in place, but my fingers scraped against something at my hip.  
I pulled the paper from my pocket. I'd completely forgotten I'd found it in the abandoned car we used as sanctuary from the herd. I unfolded it gently, and read:

_I never dreamed I could meet someone like you._   
_In all my years before I thought I was happy, but you came along and proved me wrong._   
_You took my heart and melded it with your own, you took my life and made it better._   
_Even if the world falls to dust at our feet, I know with you I will not be afraid. Safe in your arms and your heart._

They sounded like wedding vows, and they made me smile.

"What's funny?" Daryl asked, taking the paper from my hand. He read it over, and a small smile touched his face. "Where'd you find this?" I told him, in the ashtray of the car, he nodded, gently folding the paper and putting it in his pocket.

"We gotta go, girl. C'mon" he said, heading for the door. He opened it, peering through the shutter, I stood with my knife in my hand, bouncing my weight from foot to foot.  
He lifted the shutter, just two feet, and ducked under. I waited. I always waited.

He was gone for ages, I almost crept out without his say so, a crime in his eyes worthy of a shouting match. But he called me, eventually, a dusky whisper in the silence.

* * *

She watched me, eyes narrow. But I din't wait for her to ask questions. It was time to get home, no doubt more cars to move on the freeway, no doubt night by the time we got back.

"Walkers, outside" she whispered, standing at my side, facing the door while I walked backwards, facing the large expanse of mall, which its nooks and crannies n hiding places. It's dark corners, n darker shadows.

It was still rainin'. I could hear it pattering on the roof.

"How many?" I asked, normally she would have already told me. Maybe she din't know. She took a breath, but paused.

"I." She stopped again. "Four, that I see." I nodded.

"Ok. There's a poster on the window next to the door," she nodded.

"Yeah. Ok" and steered us toward it. She hid there, looking through the gaps, through the glass.

"Five" she said after a moment. I nodded, still facing into the room.

"Sure?" She looked again.

"Yeah" she answered, satisfied, still looking through the glass with one eye. There was a thump at the window and she threw herself backward, almost takin me with her.

* * *

 

"Woah" he said, catching me before I fell on my ass. "Ok?" I nodded, out of breath. I hated being made jump.

"Asshole" I said. Daryl smirked. He righted me and stood, pulling up the bow in a swift movement that always amazed me, that crossbow was heavy.

He took the lead now, pushing the door open and edging out carefully, me right on his tail.

"Go" he said, and we flew out the door, the few walkers descended fast, but Daryl and I had taken on so much more. He got one in the head with a bolt by the time I'd decapitated one with the machete and stabbed another with my much smaller hunting knife. I grinned to myself as Daryl pulverised a fourth with his 'bow and I stabbed the last one in the back of the back as it turned away from me to the noise of Daryl's beating.

I watched, still smiling, as he retrieved his bolt and headed towards me. He cocked his head to one side and queried my smile  
"Enjoy that?" I shrugged and practically skipped to the car, checking it was clear, out of habit, before hopping in.  
Daryl slid in beside me and looked at me with his dark eyes narrow

"I dunno what got ya so excited, but tone it down" I rolled my eyes at him, he sighed. "Don't do that, I hate that" I grinned again. "Abs" he said, becoming inpatient.

"A massive weight has been lifted from my shoulders, Daryl. It feels so damn good" he nodded, reaching to twist together the wires that would start the car.

"I get that, I do, but it's not safe. Anythin' coulda crept up on you or me while you weren't lookin'" I felt my smile fade. He was right. "There's something very wrong if you're killing walkers with a big fat grin on ya face too" he said, smiling his half smile and guiding the car out of the 'lot. "I mean, don't they say psychos do that?" I laughed

"Yeah, well I think the infamous 'they' ... got eaten" he laughed at that. I looked at him "I'm gonna make the most of life while I'm still here. That makes me a psycho, so be it." I grabbed a bottle of water from the footwell and drank. "Fuck it" I said around the bottle "maybe we are the psychos." I shrugged "survived so far, gotta be something in that" Daryl looked at me sideways, but kept quiet as we pulled on to the main road.


	7. Chapter 7

I all but ran to the house when we got back, throwing the door open, looking for Charlie. He was sitting on the living room floor with Carol and he turned as I entered the room.

"There's my boy!" I cried as a smile spread on his little round face. His eyes shifted behind me as Daryl came in, and instantly his face changed, his hands flapped in the air, and he started babbling.

Typical, he was on the edge of his first word, and it was all 'da da da'. Carol looked between me and Daryl as Daryl put his crossbow down and picked Charlie up.

"Did you get what you wanted?" She asked, getting up. I took Charlie's little hand

"No, got cut off by walkers, but" I turned to Carol "I found the cutest little outfits. I got one in almost every size." She smiled at me, looking between Daryl and I again. I reached in the pack and pulled out the teeny tiny little denim jacket and leather vest. Carol put her hands to her face and almost squealed.

"Oh he's going to look just like Daryl!" I smiled and nodded. "And you two?" She asked quietly as Daryl walked Charlie away from us, chatting to him about our trip. I nodded again.

"Getting there" I said, still smiling. She rubbed the top of my arm, looking genuinely thrilled.

I hadn't thought how our relationship was affecting anyone else. They'd obviously noticed, I hoped it hadn't been too hard or awkward.

I put my arms out for Charlie as Daryl turned back to me, bobbing the little boy in his arms.

* * *

 

I handed him over, n my throat went dry. I looked at her with the kid and it seemed the most natural and normal thing in the world for her to have a baby in her arms.

"Did we ever get married?" I asked her, and she stopped rockin' on her feet and looked at me, dead still.

"What?" I shrugged at her.

"You know, did we? I don't... It's fuzzy" she looked at me, big green eyes all wide and confused. Even Charlie was quiet and I wished I'd never asked.

"No" she laughed eventually. "No we didn't" I nodded, licked my lips, feelin' incredibly stupid. I knew we hadn't got married. "I don't think people do that anymore Daryl" she shrugged, sendin' Charlie up in the air in her arms. "I never thought I'd get married." She eyed me suspiciously. "Why?" I just shrugged again, shovin' my hands in my pockets. I looked at the floor.

"Daryl Dixon if you get down on one knee, I swear to god!" She bent and put Charlie on the floor.

"Why?" I asked, not lookin' at her.

"Daryl," Her voice was whiny, when I looked up her hands were over her face. "Don't" she said, still covered. I took a step towards her, reachin' for her tiny wrists.

"Abra" I said n she looked at me, I pulled her hands away n she folded her arms. "Look" I reached in my pocket, pullin' out somethin' I picked up at the mall just before we left. She took a step back n looked at me.

"Daryl" she said again, a warnin'. Her eyes lighted on the little gold ring in my hand though, "good grief" she closed her eyes.

"Look." I said "maybe you misunderstood me" she opened one eye, as if she expected somethin' to hit her. "Can't go runnin' round givin' ya hickeys for the rest of forever." She opened her other eye.

"What?" She asked, loud, high pitched.

"Brandin' ya as mine. With Charlie, everyone. Close quarters." I shrugged "ya ain't gotta go callin' yaself missus Dixon or nothin'"

* * *

 

He smiled, that crooked little smile I felt he saved just for me. I watched him, nerves thrumming through me. I didn't understand what he was doing. Married? Daryl? I didn't see the point. There were no certificates, no big dress, and 100s of guests.

I looked at him for a long time. The little gold band in his palm, diamond glittering in the artificial light. I chewed the inside of my cheek. He was staring at me. Waiting.

"I don't get it" I said, eventually, and he took my hand, turned it palm up, and dropped the ring in it before closing my fingers.

"Take it." He said. "I ain't proposing. I want you to have somethin' nice, I want you to have somethin' to look at and think of me." He stopped, turning a little flushed. "I can't give ya a baby, I can't give ya my name, I ain't gonna buy ya a big house or a fancy car." He shrugged. "But I can steal ya a diamond. N, ya know. I c'n tell ya that the sparkles bring out ya eyes. N I can know that you have a part of me with you. All the time." I opened my palm and looked again at the ring, if only not to have to look at his stupid face. I'd gripped it so hard it had left a mark on my hand.

"You're a dick, Daryl Dixon" I said with a smile on my face.

* * *

 

"Nice" I said. "I give ya diamonds n you call me names. In front'a the kid" she pushed my arm, weakly, n smiled at me.

"You _are_ a dick." She tucked the ring in her pocket "let me sleep on it, ok?" She bent to pick up Charlie. "Talking of sleeping, I think a very big fat bubba needs his bed" she hefted him up n kissed me on the cheek very softly. "So long as you don't feel you owe me anything. Cause you don't" she looked at the boy "does he Charlie? No. Silly daddy" she took to the stairs, n I followed.

We put Charlie to bed n went to bed ourselves after the hectic couple'a days.

"Daddy?" I asked when we were alone. Abra pulled the ring from her pocket n twisted it in the light

"Yeah, I think so." She put the ring on the bedside table, started to undress.

"I ain't his dad" she shrugged

"I'm not your wife" she pulled her shirt over her head n looked at me, flinging it to one side. "Boy needs a father. I can't think of one better." She smiled at me, crawled on to the bed, n up to me. I ran my fingers through her hair n she straddled me, still half dressed.

"Boy needs a mother," I said, puttin' my hands on her back, "man needs a woman," I pulled her into me. "I think me n Charlie landed on our feet" she leaned forward n her mouth found mine,

"Damn right you did" she said pullin' away,

"Guess you got the short straw" I said breathless in my need for her.

"That all depends" she smiled, leanin in close "on if you can last longer than you did last night." She went to kiss me again, but I grabbed her under the knees n flipped her on her back. She squealed n I climbed on top of her.

* * *

 

"You come first you have to wear that ring" he growled,

"And if you do?" I asked, but he didn't reply, just took my nipple in his mouth and worked on winning his bet.


End file.
